Welches meiner Filmscripts findet ihr besser

[noRkia]

Hier sind zwei Plots eines Filmes (bzw. zweier Filme).

Ich bin nicht sicher welcher besser ist.
Im ersten spielen Cilian Murphy, Michael Emerson, Josh Holloway und Fareeza Terunuma mit. Im zweiten könnten auch no Names und Fareeza Terunuma mitspielen. Der erste spielt auch ein bisschen in den USA. Der zweite lässt sich besser als Low-Budget-Film machen und die Kunstrad-Stelle könnte eine Anime-Sequenz sein.

Hier sind die beiden Plots.

Herbert is a 65 year old american mathematician, who just retired and lives in Tokyo. Having lived a blatant life, including an unsuccessful marriage and having lost contact to his son Carl, he decides to move to Tokyo to find happiness. At first he has his honeymoon period, but soon he realizes that he still feels empty. He gets a part time job as a private tutor and tutors some teens. He feels that he cannot really connect to the students, which reminds him of the relationship to his son. One day, walking home from tutoring, an alien spaceship appears and he gets abducted via some laser beam. Disoriented he awakes in his cell. Next to him is a naked Japanese woman (Fareeza Terunuma), he can see through some translucent wall. He tries to communicate with her, but she is scared and is brought away after a short time. Thinking that this must be the end, Herbert reflects on his life. He remembers how people picked on him for being nerdy, how he spent every Friday alone in front of game consoles, how his wife left him and took Carl away from him when Carl was a still in elementary. In this moment the aliens return and hand him some 4x4 sliding puzzle. Figuring that this must be some IQ Test and remembering how he once solved one of these with a “The legend of Zelda” design, he has a moment of inspiration: A plan on how to escape the Alien ship emerges in front of his inner eye. If this works out, he could leave japan for good and settle things right with Carl. He demands something to draw on from the aliens. He draws a comic strip showing the alien ship flying back to earth and some humans handing the Triforce from Zelda to the aliens. The aliens then fly back to their planet, hold the Triforce above their heads, flashes come out of it permeating the other aliens around. The last panel then shows the aliens from the space ship on a throne. This plan of corrupting the aliens works out. Herbert is brought back to earth and guides the aliens to what he made them think is the residence of the world leaders. The Trump Tower. Some aliens enter the Lobby along with Herbert. Herbert goes to the concierge and tells him, that this is some cosplay event and he needs to talk to Donald Trump. He signals the aliens to wait a few mins. Then he leaves into the elevator and runs out the back door. After a while the aliens feel that they may have been tricked. They go to the elevator. The only thing they find is the solved sliding puzzle they handed to him in the space ship.

Herbert is a 40-45ish american mathematician who ended up living in Tokyo, where he met his ex-wife. Herbert lives a blatant life, including an unsatisfying job in the actuarial department of a insurance company and having lost the courage to contact his ex-wife about his beloved daughter Midori. One day, walking home from his hated job, an alien spaceship appears and he gets abducted via some laser beam. Disoriented he awakes in his cell. Next to him is a naked Japanese woman (Fareeza Terunuma), he can see through some translucent wall. He tries to communicate with her, but she is scared and is brought away by the aliens after a short time. Thinking that this must be the end, Herbert reflects on his life. He remembers how people picked on him for being nerdy, how he spent every Friday alone in front of game consoles, how his wife left him and mentally abused for years calling him a weakling. He remembers his last happy moment with the family, when Midori was participating in a kids artist cycling contest and won the first place. In the same moment the aliens return and hand him some 4x4 sliding puzzle. Figuring that this must be some IQ Test and remembering how he solved one of these with a “The legend of Zelda” design, he has a moment of inspiration: A plan on how to escape the Alien ship emerges in front of his inner eye. If this works out, he could quit his shitty live and could reunite with Midori. He demands something to draw on from the aliens. He draws a comic strip showing the alien ship flying back to earth and some humans handing the Triforce from Zelda to the aliens. The aliens then fly back to their planet, hold the Triforce above their heads, flashes come out of it permeating the other aliens around. The last panel then shows the aliens from the space ship on a throne. This plan of corrupting the aliens works out. Herbert is brought back to earth and guides the aliens to his former workplace, the Umehara Tower. Some aliens enter the Lobby along with Herbert. Herbert goes to the concierge he knows very well and tells him, that these are some cosplayers, which are starring in the new ad for the company. He signals the aliens to wait a few mins. Then he leaves into the elevator and runs out the back door. After a while the aliens feel that they may have been tricked. They check the elevator. As the door opens, the only thing they find is the solved sliding puzzle they handed to him in the space ship.

Besonders gut kann ich mir beim Zweiten die Stelle in der Lobby vorstellen.

Japanischer Concierge: "誰 が ですか？" (Wer ist das?)
Herbert: "これらは広告の専門家です." (Das sind die Werbefachleute.)
Japanischer Concierge:"Wakarimasu!" (Ich verstehe.)

[noRkia]

Offenbar steht ihr der Verfilmung noch etwas skeptisch gegenüber.
Dann mache ich einen Roman draus (oder wie das heißt) und wenn dieser ein Welterfolg geworden ist, wird doch noch alles verfilmt.

[Froschvampir Q]

Klar ist das ein schlechter Witz von dir, klar möchtest du einfach irgendeine Reaktion. Daher bin ich mal so gnädig: Das ist völlig inkohärenter, talentfreier Quatsch. Bei keinem der beiden Konzepte steckt irgendeine Idee dahinter. Es scheint auch weder Struktur noch Aufbau zu geben, und das einzige, das sich daraus ziehen läßt, ist, daß du auf Fareeza Terunuma (dank dir gegoogelt, wußte nicht, daß das der echte Name von Osawa Yuki a.k.a. Nishikawa Hitomi a.k.a. Elly Akira ist) stehst und wahrscheinlich Stunden deines Lebens damit verbracht hast, ihre Pornos anzuschauen. Das taugt inhaltlich noch nicht mal für ein RPG-Maker-Fungame. Mir ist schon klar, daß du vermutlich gerade "Love Exposure" geschaut hast und dir nun denkst, auch mal einfach so etwas in die Richtung machen zu können, weil alles so locker, geschmeidig und willkürlich daherkommt. Aber schau dir mal das Frühwerk von Sono Sion an, und du wirst erkennen, daß der Mann die Regeln, die er scheinbar so ungezwungen und beiläufig bricht, durchaus kennt.

Auch: Im Englischen werden Nationalitäten ("American") und Substantive in Werktiteln ("Legend of Zelda") großgeschrieben.

"Japanischer Concierge: "誰 が ですか？" (Wer ist das?)
Herbert: "これらは広告の専門家です." (Das sind die Werbefachleute.)
Japanischer Concierge:"Wakarimasu!" (Ich verstehe.) "

...

Wo ist hier der Humor? Zwei Phrasen aus einem Japanischlehrbuch und dann ein Wort, das du dir scheinbar gemerkt hast, aber nicht mal auf Japanisch schreiben kannst und dessen korrekte Verwendung du nicht kennst. Das ist Chris-Chan-Niveau. Selbst im Suff würde ich das nicht lustig finden, und ich hab sogar bei "Dirty Grandpa" Tränen gelacht.

[noRkia]

Ich finde die Idee mit dem Alien Comic echt clever.
Wenn du mal von Aliens entführt wirst dann wirst du froh sein, wenn du den Plan hast

Love Exposure kenne ich schon lange. Ich sehe dazu keinen Zusammenhang, außer das Hotaru Akane darin vorkommt, was ich aber ich gar nicht beim schauen gemerkt habe.

[Froschvampir Q]

Ja, ja, ich verstehe schon, du schaust gerne Pornos, kennst all die Namen und stehst auf extrem künstlich aussehende Frauen, denen du in deinen Storyentwürfen aber noch nicht einmal eine ordentliche Rolle geben möchtest. Übrigens, hat der gehänselte Herbert jeden Freitag in front of an Atari 2600 verbracht, oder ist er erst im fortgeschrittenen Alter zum Gamer geworden?